If you are hoping to score a part in the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie, you had better be au naturale. Otherwise, the director will simply point your attention to the sign in his office reading, "Women with boob jobs need not apply."

That's right, there will be no breast implants for the pirate skanks in the fourth installment of this series. I suppose this will help make the film hold true to the time period. I doubt there were too many doctors performing breast augmentation in the 18^th Century.

Rob Marshall, the director for Pirates of the Caribbean 4, has placed the following ad with casting agents:

"Beautiful female fit models. Must be 5ft 7in-5ft 8in, size 4 or 6, no bigger or smaller. Age 18-25. Must have a lean dancer body. Must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants."

A man with a vision. I like that. But he is narrowing his applicant pool considerably. How many high quality actresses fit this description? If he could land a major talent who was 5ft 6in, I wonder if he'd pass because she is one inch too short. I guess he'd rather have a crappy actress of the right proportions than a talented actress who is just a bit off of his rather rigid aesthetic standards.

If she was 26, would anyone in the audience really be able to figure it out? Then again, doesn't this guy realize that not all women living in that time period were between the ages of 18 and 25? I'm surprised he didn't specify his desired breast size in this ad. Perhaps he should limit the search to only C cups?

If you have large fake breasts and you have your heart set on landing a role in this blockbuster flick, do not get your hopes up. It is unlikely that you will be able to pull the rug over Rob Marshall's eyes. He is requiring all applicants to pass a breast implant detector test. I didn't even know such a test existed. I'm sure this technology will soon be popping up in our nation's airports so that the TSA can weed out all the Afghani Booby Bomber terrorists. Alas, these women will also have to sit on the sidelines when Pirates 4 is being filmed. There will be no breast implant bombs going off as Johnny Depp walks the plank.

To the Pamela Andersons of the world, do not distress. When was the last time the fourth installment of a movie series was actually worth seeing?

• X-Men 3 was so bad, they had to kill everyone off. No shot at a #4.
  
• Rocky 4, while holding a nostalgic place in my heart, is undeniably utter crap. Too much Cold War rhetoric and cop-out montage scenes. But the movie did spawn a generation of gym workout soundtracks.
  
• Lethal Weapon 4 - not terrible, but certainly nowhere near as good as the first couple of movies they made.
  
• The fourth Star Wars installment (Episode 1) had potential, but Lucas felt compelled to overuse an annoying Jar Jar Binks, setting the tone for a disappointing sequel trilogy.
  
• The last Indiana Jones movie (#4) probably should never have been made. I can't believe Harrison Ford agreed to taint the legacy of one of his greatest characters with such a subpar movie.
  
• Batman & Robbin (#4 of the original Batman movies) - Arnold Schwarzenegger as a super villain with Terminatoresque one-liners. Maybe this is why he was forced to pursue a career in politics.
  

Perhaps even more shocking than Rob Marshall's decision to ban all fake breasted women from the set of his movie is Johnny Depp's decision to sign on for yet another ride on the Black Pearl. He's got tons of money, I doubt he really needs to make a fourth Pirates movie that, based on the track record of most fourth installments, is destined to be a clunker. Besides, I'm sure Tim Burton has about 12 projects coming down the pike which absolutely could not be made without Depp's contributions.

If you are interested in getting breast augmentation to give your acting career a boost, please contact the Los Angeles plastic surgeons at the Bray Plastic Surgery Medical Center today. Just don't get your hopes up for a coveted spot in Pirates of the Caribbean 4.

Every so often, I hear something that is so insane, it makes me long for a simpler time. A time like the Cold War. When our enemies were a bunch of crazy Russians who shot steroids and lived in the frozen tundra (think Ivan Drago from Rocky IV -- "I must break you."). Back then, all we had to worry about was a massive nuclear warhead launching half-way across the globe to cover us in a radiation cloud, ending civilization as we know it. A quick and painless death. Our skin would just melt off our faces in a matter of seconds. Now that is a way to go.

Terrorists? They were a joke back in the days of the Cold War. Their ineptitude was chronicled in such horrific propaganda flicks as The Delta Force, where Chuck Norris would single-handedly bring down entire terrorist organizations in less than 90 minutes. Ah, those were the days.

Today, the Russians are not evil, and any potential steroid use by their athletes is completely overshadowed by the widespread juicing in Major League Baseball. While a massive nuclear warhead could still put a hole the size of the Grand Canyon where we currently reside, none of us really worries about that as a real threat. After all, the last time we tried to hunt down these alleged weapons, we came up empty handed. Nuclear weapons -- ha! That was so 1985.

This is 2010. Terrorists have become smart -- much smarter than our Homeland Security people. We dare not show them The Delta Force -- it may anger today's terrorist organizations, prompting them to venture out of their Afghani caves and unleash their wrath on us, just to make Chuck Norris pay. We can't bring deodorant or toothpaste on planes. We have to take off our shoes to pass through security check points. Do these TSA people really think I'm hiding a bomb in my flip flops? Really?

What can possibly be next? What new absurdity will 2010 bring that our current efforts to thwart global terror have overlooked?

I'll tell you. Today's terrorists have taken global fear to new levels that even I never imagined possible. They have transformed plastic surgery from beauty tool of the vain and insecure into the harbinger of death. I kid you not.

Recently, British intelligence learned that Muslim plastic surgeons trained in London's finest teaching hospitals have returned to their home countries to use their newfound skills against their Western mentors. They are constructing newer, more refined terrorist soldiers. They will be almost impossible to distinguish from ordinary civilians. Meet the latest addition to the War on Terror -- Boobie Bombers.

Al-Qaida plastic surgeons are performing breast augmentation on a new generation of suicide bombers. Explosive devices made from pentaerythritol Tetrabitrate (PETN) are being placed into silicone breast implants. Female suicide bombers are being pumped full of this lethal silicone as we speak. Shortly, they will be ready to bring down entire airplanes with their exploding hooters, thanks of course to the fine training of Western doctors. Once again, we have armed Arab terrorists with an arsenal of knowledge and technology which they plan on using to wipe us off the planet. Bravo. We have really outdone ourselves this time.

Of course, we wouldn't want the male terrorists to feel left out. While they obviously cannot compete with the Boobie Bombers in the chest bomb market, there are other ways to deliver Implants of Mass Destruction. If you have a set of balls hanging between your legs, you can still help blow up planes. They make exploding buttock implants too. They may give you a bit of a badonkadonk, but if you want to get in on the action, you will have to make some sacrifices.

Apparently, it only takes about 5 ounces of PETN to bring down an entire plane. For those of you less in-the-know about all things plastic surgery, that is not very much. Heidi Montag probably has more silicone than that in her cheeks. When buried in a full size breast implant, that little bit of explosive will be pretty hard to detect.

Plastic surgeons and security experts have confirmed this fact. It will be almost impossible to spot these implant bombs in the new full-body scanners being unleashed in airports across America. Once again, we have spent billions of dollars on absolutely worthless technology that will do little more than annoy the crap out of us every time we get on a plane. Isn't that the American way?

I'm not exactly sure what the answer to this new terror threat will be. I don't think you can ban all plastic surgery patients from flying. Maybe we'll start requiring born-on dates for all breast implants. Those inserted before February 12, 2010 are fit to fly. All others, well you gotta sit this one out. It's not like you can make people take their breast and butt implants out of their body to go through the x-ray scanners. We seem to be in a bit of a conundrum here.

But enough talk about the ineptitude of American Homeland Security. Now I'd like to talk about the hypocrisy of Muslim terrorists.

I have spent a fair amount of time researching Islam's stance on plastic surgery. Here's what I found out:

• Allah permits plastic surgery only if it is correcting a physical defect which attracts the mockery and scorn of others. The reason this is acceptable is that these physical defects inflict psychological pain on the victims, and all-merciful Allah doesn't want His faithful disciples to suffer any pain or embarrassment which may make life miserable.
  
• Allah does NOT permit plastic surgery for purposes of excessive beautification.
  

In other words, if you have a genetic defect that makes you look hideous to others, then and only then can you have plastic surgery to feel more attractive. But if society would normally view you as attractive (or at least not hideous), then plastic surgery is considered self-mutilation. This is against the will of Allah, who wants you to look like he wanted you to look (that is, unless he made you look hideous). A bit hypocritical don't you think? Who gets to determine whether your small breasts are a genetic deformity or simply something you have to deal with?

Anyway, there was one category I did not find discussed by Islamic scholars. There is no mention of plastic surgery as a means to blow up Western infidels. Apparently, Allah has made no provisions which allow surgical enhancement to teach us dirty Westerners a lesson. Therefore, it seems like Allah does not permit plastic surgery to blow up airplanes. Those hypocritical terrorists. They are dooming these poor suicide bombers to an afterlife in Hell.

Although, I'm sure they use powerful rhetoric to recruit these new plastic surgery bombers. I'm sure the men who get butt implant bombs are told of the harems of virgins that await them once they die for the Cause. There's one problem with this rhetoric. Don't you think a butt implant will blow off their genitals? What in the hell are they going to do with a harem of virgins if they have no genitals? It just doesn't make any sense.

This leads me to my next question. Do our Boobie Bombers get harems of male virgins after they blow themselves up? Does Allah permit female terrorists to get harems of male virgins or is He sexist? I would think it should work both ways, although I somehow think that a harem of premature ejaculators (I mean male virgins) would not be all that appealing to our female terrorists. Maybe they have a different strategy to recruit the women bombers. I just don't know.

What I do know is that plastic surgery will never be the same. The next time I see a woman with fake breasts, I'm instantly going to wonder if she has a bomb lodged in those bombs. That is the most tragic side effect of this whole mess.

If you are interested in breast augmentation in the Orlando, Florida area, please contact Orlando breast surgeon Dr. Brian Joseph at Park Avenue Plastic Surgery today to schedule your initial consultation. Sorry terrorists, Dr. Joseph doesn't do explosives. You'll have to get those in Pakistan.

Hmm. All I can say is, are you serious?

A man in Charlotte, North Carolina is wanted by local authorities after he and his buddy robbed a Family Dollar store in the area. The heist -- $48 worth of laundry detergent. Oh, and both men are cross-dressers.

But wait, it gets better. Their getaway car was a rental. Brilliant. It's going to be hard to track that one fellas (can you call a cross-dresser a fellow?).

During the getaway, they unsuccessfully attempted to run over a witness in the parking lot. The store manager swears it was intentional. I'm sorry, but can anyone truly be that bad of a driver? A person is a pretty big target. If you are trying to hit the guy, you've gotta hit the guy. No excuses. Bonus points if you rupture his spleen.

Somehow, the witness used his ninja-like reflexes to narrowly avoid a crushing blow at the hands of a rented Mitsubishi Galant driven by two cross-dressers stealing laundry detergent. Congrats buddy. You have one hell of a story to tell your grandkids.

Would you believe I haven't even gotten to the truly bizarre part of the story yet? This next part even floored me, and I'm a pretty tough audience to shock these days (see my last few blogs and you'll understand why).

One man has already been apprehended by the police, but his partner, Mitchelle E. Anthony, is still at large and apparently in hiding. Yes, his name is Mitchelle. Not Mitchell, not Michelle, but Mitchelle. I guess the dude just couldn't figure out which one to choose. Why not have the best of both worlds?

I wonder how that would work with my name? Andrewea? Not quite Andrew, not quite Andrea, but Andrewea. A hideous thought. Let's just pretend I never went there.

And now, back to the good part of our story...

Mitchelle is apparently aware that he is now a wanted fugitive of the law. We know this because he called police headquarters to inform them that he promises to turn himself in...

...once he has recovered from breast augmentation.

And the best part? The police response: "OK."

I suppose there isn't a sense of urgency to bring in a person wanted for stealing $48 of laundry detergent, even if he did try to kill someone in the process. But really? You are going to let this MAN tell you he is slowly recovering from breast augmentation, and he needs to rest before coming in for questioning?

The funny thing about this whole situation is that Mitchelle probably needs to buy all new clothes to accommodate his perky new breast implants. Why does he even need to wash his old clothes?

I suppose if you need that much detergent, you probably haven't done laundry in about 5 years, so maybe your clothes stink to high hell. Maybe the new wardrobe for his breast implants is a blessing in disguise.

According to Mitchelle's friends, he has fully recovered from his operation and is hiding out somewhere. Now the police have lost all their leads. Too bad, I'm sure they could have found him while he was bed-ridden nursing his swollen new breasts. Now they just have to face the embarrassment of letting a cross-dressing laundry detergent thief slip through their fingers because they allowed HIM to recover from breast augmentation.

I personally think Mitchelle made the right choice in hiding out. I have a feeling he would have been some big dude's whipping boy in the big house with those nice new implants and a name like Mitchelle. Better not drop the soap.

Police are asking anyone with information on this highly crafty fugitive to contact them at once. He may be dressed like a man. He may be dressed like a woman. It's just too hard to say one way or the other. But he will definitely have rather large breasts.

Oh, and he's HUGE -- 5'6", 230 pounds. Did he really need breast augmentation at that weight? He probably already had pretty hefty man-boobs. Here's a mug shot of Mitchelle to help you in your search:

If you live in the Fairfield County, Connecticut area and are interested in breast augmentation to avoid apprehension by the police, please contact the Connecticut plastic surgery office of Dr. Rick Rosen today to schedule your initial consultation. Cross-dressers are welcome.

This advice, while quite prudent, was clearly not heeded by the Marshalls, the resident British queens of breast augmentation. When I give them this distinction, I am not trying to be witty or sarcastic. They have legitimately earned this rather dubious honor.

Chantal Marshall and four of her nine daughters have combined for nine breast augmentations between them, setting a record for the most breast surgeries by a British family. Of course, this is a source of great pride to the Marshall clan, who have even gone as far as calling their home Silicone City. A bit sick and twisted if you ask me, but I guess everyone needs something to be proud of.

You might be wondering why they needed nine operations to improve the breasts of five women. Did the doctors botch a few of the initial operations, requiring extensive revision surgery to get it right? If so, this would speak volumes about the Marshall women's ability to pick a plastic surgeon.

But alas, there are no gruesome tales of nasty breast implants riding up too high, leaky silicone dripping through their bodies, implants that go pop in the night, or nipples that were incorrectly reattached in a manner that makes them look like circus side show freaks.

Their story is much more boring than that. They just really love getting new breast implants, and one trip to the doctor doesn't seem to be enough to satisfy their insatiable urge for MORE SILICONE. A bit loco if you ask me. Maybe we should have them all committed.

To date, the Marshalls have spent about $65,000 on breast implants. But don't worry. It probably won't be long before they hit six figures. There are still four daughters who have yet to go under the knife and two daughters who have only made one trip to their plastic surgeon. They have some catching up to do.

This madness undoubtedly hit its peak the day Chantal accompanied daughters Emma and Ripley to the hospital for mommy/daughter plastic surgery. That's right, all three had breast augmentation on the same day from the same doctor. I can only imagine the pissing contest going on in the recovery room as 50-year-old Chantal shoved her droopy boobs in her daughters' faces, insisting hers were the greatest.

Meet the Marshalls

Let's delve a little deeper into "The Real Sisters of Silicone City" -- Britain's reigning family of plastic surgery freaks:

Chantal

Vital stats: Age 50, mother of nine, 3 breast augmentations, $21,600 on breast implants, started at 34B, now 34DD

The Skinny: Popping out nine kids left her breasts looking like milk bottles (her description, not mine). Jeez, I wonder what else got a little blown out in the process. Maybe a labiaplasty is on the horizon for Chantal as well.

Her first operation left her a bit traumatized, but not enough to deter her from throwing her chips back on the table for round two after seeing her daughter Emma's results. Two years later, she couldn't pass up the opportunity of a lifetime -- round 3, performed simultaneously with two of her daughters. As Sly Stone once said, "It's a family affair."

Chantal is very proud of the stunning family resemblance resulting from hair bleach and matching breast implants. If they were an American family, they'd probably all live together in a trailer park in West Virginia.

Emma

Vital stats: Age 28, beauty therapist, 2 breast augmentations, $15,200 on breast implants, started at 34B, now 34F

The Skinny: She got her first boob job at the ripe old age of 18. The inspiration for her surgery was countless hours of watching Pamela Anderson's jugs bounce up and down as she saved lives on Baywatch. Congrats Pam -- yet another dubious accolade to pad your rather forgettable resume.

For her second operation, Emma participated in the family debacle I've mentioned above. She couldn't wait for the anesthesia to wear off so that she could participate in a three-way "boob-off" with Ripley and her mom.

Ripley

Vital stats: Age 18, design student and nail technician, 1 breast augmentation, $7,200 on breast implants, started at 34C, now 34DD

The Skinny: Proudly, she's the youngest Marshall girl to get breast augmentation. She not only takes pride in her fake boobs, she basks in the glory of her mom's and sisters' silicone behemoths as well. Isn't that nice, she's a team player. She claims the family has become much closer as a result of their shared love of silicone. Aw, now I'm getting all warm and fuzzy inside.

Before getting implants, Ripley used to pad her bra with chicken fillets. That's right, chicken fillets. I'm not sure if they were raw or cooked, and I'm not sure which would be more disgusting. I wonder if her boyfriends used to find her breasts finger lickin' good.

She saved up half the money for her procedure and was lucky enough to procure a loan for the remainder of the balance. Lucky for her, the British love their plastic surgery, and they have no qualms about giving a girl just outside of high school a few grand to boost her bra size, especially if it means a few hungry families can now eat all those chicken fillets Ripley was stuffing down her bra.

Terri

Vital stats: Age 25, dancer, 1 breast augmentation, $7,200 on breast implants, started at 32DD, now 32GG

The Skinny: That's right, DDs weren't enough for Terri. She needed to go bigger. I guess being naturally well-endowed doesn't prevent you from feeling left out when your sisters are going for upgrades. Besides, I think Terri has a bit of a competitive streak. She's been known to argue with Emma over who has the biggest boobs.

Terri prefers breast augmentation to going to the dentist. A rather odd comparison, I must say, but OK. She has also claimed that if she were flat-chested, she'd be willing to stuff as many as 10 chicken fillets in her bra to mask her deficiencies. What's with these girls and chicken fillets in their bras?

Tara

Vital stats: Age 22, receptionist, 2 breast augmentations, $12,800 on breast implants, started at 34A, now 34E

The Skinny: Poor Tara. She was the unfortunate recipient of A cups. This must have caused her a great deal of distress, especially as she watched her older sisters repeatedly pump silicone into their breasts. I mean, she just couldn't measure up. What's a girl to do?

I'll tell you what she's going to do. She's going to get implants at the very first chance she gets. As soon as she turned 17, she booked her initial consultation so that she could have her operation immediately after turning 18. Time's running out. No time to waste. She's only 18. God forbid she goes another day with A cups. She'll bring shame to her family. Oy vey.

Tara loves her fake look so much that she decided to go for round 2 several years ago. Now she feels amazing. We're so happy for you Tara.

If you are interested in breast augmentation in the Jacksonville, Florida area, please contact the Jacksonville plastic surgery office of Desai Plastics today to schedule your initial consultation with Dr. Ankit Desai. Family is very important to Dr. Desai. If you come with your mom and all your sisters, maybe he will cut you a group discount.

Does the Bible approve of breast augmentation? According to former Miss California Carrie Prejean, it most certainly does. In a recent interview with Christianity Today, she clearly stated her belief that the bible does not pass judgment on breast implants:

"I don't think there's anything wrong with getting breast implants as a Christian. I think it's a personal decision. I don't see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn't get breast implants."

You don't say. I would find it shocking if Prejean were to find any references to breast augmentation in the Bible, especially considering the procedure did not exist 2,000 years ago when the book was written. Beauty queen? Perhaps. Christian biblical scholar? Certainly not.

I would hardly take the Bible's omission of breast augmentation commentary as evidence that God approves of plastic surgery. While religious scholars have debated this point in recent years, none of the arguments for or against this assertion have ever centered on the Bible's failure to discuss the topic…that is, until Carrie Prejean entered the debate.

Prejean's logic is not only flawed, it makes her a complete hypocrite. If she claims that breast augmentation is a "personal decision," then why shouldn't same sex marriage or abortion be afforded the same respect? After all, the bible doesn't discuss these topics either. I doubt too many abortions or same sex marriages were conducted in the time of Christ.

To hide behind the Bible in an attempt to maintain her standing in the Christian community is downright shameless. I wonder if Prejean believes that hard core sex tapes are Bible approved as well. They are not discussed in the Bible either, but then again, video technology was not even a science fiction concept in Biblical times. In fact, I doubt science fiction as a genre existed back in the days of fire and brimstone.

I was hoping that after pageant officials used evidence of multiple hard core sex tapes to "convince" Prejean to drop her lawsuit against them, she would skulk off into the sunset, vanishing from public consciousness forever. It does not seem to be the case, although I find it astounding that Christian groups would still stand behind her after her actions have made a mockery of them -- albeit unintentionally -- for the past six months. If she is the poster girl for Christian young adults, then atheism will be alive and well for years to come.

It is my intention to never write about Carrie Prejean again. However, at the rate she continues to put her foot in her mouth, I find it hard to resist. I hope she will give me a reprieve for awhile so that I can shift my focus to other noteworthy eccentricities in the world of plastic surgery.

If you are considering breast augmentation in the Newport Beach, California area, please contact experienced Orange County plastic surgeon Dr. Douglas Hendricks at Pacifica Cosmetic Surgery Center today to schedule your initial consultation. Carrie Prejean guarantees that God will still respect you after your procedure. What more assurances do you need?

If you are considering breast augmentation, you had better make sure it will not turn out to be an occupational hazard. WWE diva Mickie James recently learned this the hard way when her breast implant popped during a tag team match against Rosa Mendes and Beth Phoenix.

She is expected to undergo a breast surgery revision procedure very soon in order to correct the problem. There is no official word on how extensive the damage was to Mickie's implant, and the WWE has not announced when the wrestling champion will be able to return to the ring.

WWE executives have not announced what will happen to Mickie's Divas title while she recovers from her injury. It would be tragic if she lost her title due to a ruptured breast implant. However, is it really fair to all of the other wrestling divas out there who cannot compete for the coveted title while Mickie gets a silicone refill?

I wonder if there are certain wrestling moves that place a woman at higher risk of popping an implant. I would imagine that leaping from the top rope to land on a fallen opponent could cause problems for both women. If the fallen woman took an elbow to the boob, she could easily leak silicone all over her body, and possibly even the wrestling mat. For the leaping woman, she had better land properly and hope the fallen woman doesn't roll out of the way; otherwise she may find a squishy implant upon impact.

A piledriver may also prove problematic for well-endowed female combatants. A sloppily-delivered piledriver may result in a knee to the breast, popping an implant or two. How about a suplex? I would think that this move may endanger the fine handiwork of even the best plastic surgeon.

When delivering a clothesline, it is important to keep your arm held up high. A clothesline to the breast region could cause enough carnage to require the replacement of two popped implants. Of course, we can't forget about the body slam. We wouldn't want to have to rename that one the booby slam.

Now for some moves that may not endanger a female wrestler's breast implants:

• The sleeper hold -- it steers clear of the midsection. No problems here.
  
• Figure four leg lock -- legs locking with legs. No breasts involved in this one either.
  
• Clawing out your opponent's eyes with your fingers -- maybe a bit cheap, but the only plastic surgery you will need after this one is blepharoplasty.
  
• Headlock -- needs no witty explanation.
  

For all of you female professional wrestlers out there considering breast augmentation, I hope you learn from Mickie James. This procedure is not for you -- at least, not until you retire. Otherwise, you may find yourself filing a Workers' Compensation claim to get your implants replaced after they pop from the rigors of the ring. On the bright side, as a female professional wrestler, you probably make enough money to afford multiple breast augmentations.

If you are not a professional wrestler, then breast augmentation may be just the procedure to help you look and feel your best. If you live in the Chicago, Illinois area, please contact the Chicago plastic surgery office of Dr. Otto Placik today to schedule your initial consultation.

If it weren't for a Pink concert in Sydney, Australia several weeks ago, a poor Australian woman would still be slowly leaking silicone throughout her body. But as luck would have it, the concert turned out to be much more than a night of entertainment for the Aussie fan.

Kimberly Koy, a cattle station worker from Cairns, Australia, traveled to Sydney to see Pink perform. After her flight, her left breast ballooned overnight, growing to more than double the size of her right breast by the time she woke up the next morning. Fearing the worst (breast cancer), she immediately scheduled an appointment with her doctor.

However, Koy breathed a huge sigh of relief and shouted "Moo-ray!" when she discovered the true cause of the problem. She had a leaky breast implant.

A week before traveling to the concert, Koy had been involved in a runaway cattle incident. One of the loose cows stabbed her in the chest with its horn, puncturing her breast implant. Since the cow's horn did not break her skin or result in any serious bruising, Koy assumed she was fine. Little did she know that she had a slow leak that could have continued for years before she would have ever discovered the damage.

Her doctor explained that the air pressure from flying forced the silicone to expel from the implant shell faster than it normally would have, resulting in the imbalance in her two breasts. By Ms. Koy's own description, "It was like a coconut to an orange." Since the incident, her left breast has shrunk, but is still larger than the right one. She will most likely need breast augmentation revision surgery to correct the issue.

This is not the first time a silicone breast implant has experienced technical difficulties on a plane. Several months ago, a woman's breast implant exploded on a plane to Los Angeles. However, in that case, the implant exploded because the woman chose to fill it with too much silicone at the time of her breast augmentation. In the case of Kimberly Koy, you might say that the airplane incident was the fallout of an occupational hazard.

I suppose Kimberly Koy owes a huge debt of gratitude to Pink, because if it weren't for her Australian tour, Ms. Koy would still be leaking silicone today. To show her thanks, I think it is only appropriate that Ms. Koy buy every album Pink puts out for the rest of her career. Clearly, it is also in the best interests of her health to continue attending Pink concerts. You never know what medical condition will manifest itself the next time the pop star tours Down Under.

But perhaps the true moral of the story is that you should probably take a long, hard look at your lifestyle before deciding to undergo breast enlargement. If you work at a cattle station or a similarly dangerous job that makes you susceptible to puncture wounds, you may want to reconsider either your career or the surgery. If you do decide to move forward with your surgery without changing jobs, you should definitely plan on getting Pink tickets whenever she comes to your town.

If you live in the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania area and are interested in breast augmentation, please contact the Philadelphia plastic surgery offices of Dr. Adrian Lo today to schedule your free initial consultation. Philly is not exactly known as a cattle town, so you shouldn't have to worry about your implants getting punctured by a renegade cow horn.

For those of you who think that breast implants are only for cosmetic enhancement, think again. They have recently been an instrumental part of a crime investigation.

Former swimsuit model Jasmine Fiore was brutally murdered two weekends ago in Southern California. When her body was found chopped to pieces in a bloody suitcase at the bottom of a dumpster, police could not identify the body. She had been mutilated so badly that there were no discernable fingerprints or dental records.

Investigators had to dig deep on this one. The only way they were able to identify Fiore's body was by the serial number on her breast implants.

Ever since the incident, there has been a nationwide manhunt for Ryan Alexander Jenkins, a reality TV star on the VH1 show "Megan Wants a Millionaire." The show featured a series of wealthy men vying to win the heart of a materialistic blonde girl. VH1 canceled the show after the incident.

Jenkins, who was briefly married to Fiore, is the only suspect in the murder. Police believe he has fled to his native country of Canada.

My heart goes out to the family and friends of Jasmine Fiore. This seems like a truly brutal way to be murdered. Fortunately, her breast implants could be used to identify her body. At least her loved ones will not spend the next few decades wondering if she is still alive. As tragic as this incident may be, at least they will have some closure.

...At least, according to commonly held business practices in the United States. Apparently, things work a little differently in China.

In American culture, the customer is generally placed on a pedestal, especially in service industry jobs (yes, believe it or not, plastic surgery is considered part of the service industry):

• Restaurant workers will jump through hoops to take good care of patrons in the hopes of receiving good tips
  
• Store owners will accept returns from dissatisfied customers, exchange merchandise, and even offer full refunds in the hopes of receiving future business
  
• Plastic surgeons will go to great lengths to ensure that patients receive their desired results; they may even offer extensive revision surgery to ensure that angry patients do not bring a maelstrom on their practice which may potentially jeopardize future business
  

Personally, I do not subscribe to the philosophy that "the customer is always right." I have worked many service industry jobs during my life, and in my experience the customer is often dead wrong and outright rude about it. However, I also understand the complications associated with pointing out to a revolting customer that he is completely out of line. Doing this may often cost you your job. So I have been forced to deal with these difficult situations the way everyone else in the industry has -- grin and bear it.

However, I do subscribe to the philosophy that it is important to treat the customer with the highest levels of respect, and I do everything in my power to try and ensure that the customer's experience is positive and memorable. After all, the goal is to earn repeat business from your customers and get new business from customer recommendations.

It seems that a plastic surgery facility in China has never been informed of this philosophy, or perhaps they just don't care. Either way, they don't seem to be too interested in patient satisfaction.

A woman went to this particular Chinese plastic surgery practice for breast augmentation three years ago. They botched her procedure, and one breast came out larger than the other. The plastic surgeon refunded her money, but did nothing to rectify the inequities in her breasts. As a result, this poor woman has been walking around with lopsided, asymmetrical breasts for the past three years.

She has come to the plastic surgery facility many times, arguing with them in hopes of receiving additional money that she could use to get her botched breast implants fixed by a more reputable surgeon. Each time, she has been turned aside empty handed.

On her most recent trip to the plastic surgeon's office, she caught the staff just as they were closing up for the day. The staff locked her in the office and went home. The poor woman sat in the plastic surgery office for four hours before calling the police for help. When they arrived, they broke a window to get her out of the office.

I have never heard of anything this absurd in my life. Who locks someone in their office and goes home? Not only is it completely unprofessional, it is just plain stupid. The staff took a serious gamble by leaving her in there, alone and angry, with expensive surgical equipment. They dodged a bullet here.

I'm shocked that the woman sat there patiently for four hours before calling the police. If someone had done that to me, I would have trashed the office. I would start with the most expensive equipment and machinery I could find and work my way down. It would look like a tornado hit that office when I was through. And then I would have broken the window myself to escape. But before leaving, I would find a big sharpie and draw a huge hand with a middle finger extended on their wall. Just to send a message.

It's not as if they could report me to the police. What are you going to say: "We held this person hostage in our office overnight and he trashed it in an attempt to escape?" That wouldn't exactly fly with the police. They gave this woman a free shot to exact her revenge on them after three years of being mistreated, and she blew it. Instead, she just took it on the chin. Silly woman.

I suppose that there is a moral to this story as well. When you attend an initial consultation with a potential plastic surgeon, pay attention to how you are treated by the doctor and his staff. Are they polite? Do they answer all your questions? Are they attentive to your needs?

If you get any negative vibes during this initial interaction, run for your life. You don't want to find out that the staff locks you in their office after refusing to make good on your botched surgery. If the surgeon and staff are nice to you at your consultation, chances are they will not pull these types of shenanigans.

If you live in the New York City area and are looking for unparalleled levels of customer service from your plastic surgeon, please contact experienced New York plastic surgeon Dr. George Lefkovits today to schedule your initial consultation at Park Plaza Plastic Surgery. Dr. Lefkovits has never locked an angry patient in his office, nor does he intend to do so in the future.

When Irena D. received her size F silicone breast implants, her plastic surgeon never informed her that she should be careful when flying. She had to learn this lesson the hard way when her implant exploded as her flight landed at Los Angeles International Airport.

Irena claims she did not feel well when she boarded the flight traveling from Moscow to Los Angeles. Her condition deteriorated as the flight progressed, leading to her ultimate collapse as she was exiting the plane. Little did she know at the time that her problems were caused by a defective breast implant.

According to doctors, the flight may not have been the only reason for the rupture of her massive F cup implant. However, it is clear that the change in pressure during the flight exacerbated the condition of the defective implant.

Irena is currently recovering at home. Doctors have ordered her to remain in bed for at least a week. She has been informed that her implant cannot be replaced. Poor Irena. She will probably look quite awkward with one size F breast and one deflated breast.

For all women considering breast augmentation, let this be a lesson to you. Be very careful when deciding on your implant size. If you choose to go too big, you run the risk of putting too much strain on the implant shell. As Irena D. has shown us, this makes regular activities such as traveling on a plane quite dangerous.

What would have happened if she were flying to a third world country when this disaster struck? She may have been stuck with massive quantities of silicone floating around in her chest until she returned to the States.

I suppose Irena has started a new type of "Mile High Club." I am not sure if she is the only member of this club, but I would imagine that at most, there are only a select few who could boast a similar achievement. Congratulations Irena. I hope you enjoy being a trend setter.

If you are interested in breast augmentation in the Northern Virginia and Washington, D.C. area, please contact the Virginia Center for Plastic Surgery today to schedule your consultation with Dr. Desman.

This is the third and final part of the blog series covering the website MyFreeImplants.com, which was established to help raise money for women to receive free breast augmentation procedures. Women can establish profiles on this site to be viewed by men who are prospective benefactors. The men then donate money to the woman of their choice, sometimes in exchange for photos or videos. When the woman has raised enough money to pay for her breast surgery, the money will be sent directly to the plastic surgeon.

To find out more about the specifics of this website, please read part 1 and part 2 of this blog series.

I'm not sure what to make of this website. Clearly, this is capitalism at its finest, if not its most perverse. These women are truly living the American dream. Get a new set of boobs for free! All you have to do is flirt with some horny guys online and send them some seductive pictures. I'm sure the sexier your photos, the quicker you'll reach your goal.

But what about our generous benefactors? What do they get from this whole process? I'm sure that in some sick way, they get a feeling of satisfaction knowing that they helped improve the life of some stranger, albeit in the most superficial of ways. However, this seems to be rather little to receive in return for heaps of cash. I guess they will always have the photos they received and a few flirtatious email threads to look back on.

I wonder how many men have been unable to pay for gifts for their wives and girlfriends in order to donate money on MyFreeImplants.com. How would you explain that to your wife? "Sorry, honey. I couldn't really get you a birthday present this year. I just gave $500 to help some strange girl get breast implants. You should check out her photos though. She's going to look great with her new boobs." Can you say "divorce"?

In my opinion, this website is wrong on many levels. It speaks to the warped values and priorities of the American people. There is currently a trust set up by the MyFreeImplants.com people holding over $2 million specifically for the purpose of providing women with free breast augmentation. Is there a similar $2 million trust holding money to provide people with health care when they can't pay for it themselves? Is there a trust to help pay for food and shelter for homeless and hungry people? Is there a trust established to help provide supplies to inner city schools that can't pay for new text books and desks? I have not heard of such trusts.

Why are so many men willing to fork over their cash to pay for a stranger's breast implants when they will not donate money to more worthy causes? Furthermore, why is there not a website to help breast cancer victims fund breast reconstruction following a mastectomy? Is that not as equally a worthy cause as giving a suburban housewife the gift of free breast implants? It seems that we may need to re-evaluate our values when a website such as MyFreeImplants.com thrives the way it does while so many Americans are suffering to survive the recession.

However depraved, shallow, or morally bankrupt this website may be, it seems that it is here to stay. For those women who absolutely must get breast augmentation but do not want to go into debt to overhaul their body, this site seems to provide a legitimate opportunity. If you are looking for a handout to make your breast augmentation a reality, it is worth visiting their website.

However, if you live in the Chicago, Illinois area and want to pay for your breast implants on your own, please contact Dr. Otto J. Placik today to schedule your initial consultation. He is board certified and will gladly offer you other financing options so that you do not have to beg for money on the Internet.

This post is part 2 of a 3 part blog series discussing the website MyFreeImplants.com. This website has been created to provide women with a way to raise the money to get breast augmentation for free. Men can become members of the website, which allows them to view the profiles of women seeking free breast implants. They can begin an email communication with their woman (or women) of choice and receive photographs and videos. In exchange, these men donate money to the woman's breast implant fund.

To learn more about the specifics of this program, please read part one of this blog series. And now, for part 2...

You may be wondering what happens to this money once it gets donated. How can these men be certain that their money is actually going to be used for its intended purpose? The co-founders of the site came up with a simple solution to this dilemma.

The women never actually receive any of this money. Their donations are placed into a trust that is managed by Moore and Grunstra. Once a woman reaches her goal, the money is paid directly to the plastic surgeon straight out of the trust. Most women take six or seven months to reach their goal, although for some women, it may take several years. Currently, there is about $2 million in the trust, which collects interest for Moore and Grunstra while it sits in the account waiting to be doled out for breast augmentation procedures.

Women, if you are reading this and are enticed to throw your hat in the ring -- be forewarned. This is not a slam dunk. It requires a great deal of work to raise the money. The more time you spend on the website soliciting and conversing with potential donors, the more likely you are to reach your goal. Out of the 140,000 women who have created profiles since the website started, only 3,500 are still active and only 425 have successfully raised enough money to pay for their breast implants. The rest have given up because they didn't want to put in the work.

The current record is held by a college student. She raised all the money to pay for her surgery in 13 days. She spent 12-14 hours a day on the website one winter break and now she is the proud owner of free breast implants.

Women who receive the free surgery are contractually required to provide "after" photos on the website so that their benefactors can see the results. Don't get too excited folks; the women are fully clothed in these photos. In addition, the women are obligated to continue conversing with their donors for at least six months after surgery.

There will be more to come on this bizarre website in part three of this blog series.

If you live in the Chicago, Illinois area and would like to get breast augmentation, please contact the Chicago breast surgery office of Dr. Otto J. Placik today to schedule a consultation.

We are slogging through a recession, which means that the women of our country must get creative to fund the luxuries that they can no longer afford. If you do not have the money to pay for your breast augmentation and your husband (if you have one) will not splurge to give you the hooters of your dreams, do not fret. There are other ways to achieve your goals, and you may not even have to pay a dime for your surgery.

You will probably not find out about this plastic surgery financing option from your local plastic surgeon. You will probably not hear about this on TV either. There is only one place where you can be the beneficiary of such generosity -- the Internet.

There is a website called MyFreeImplants.com that raises money to pay for women's breast implants. You do not have to qualify to become a recipient of this generosity. Any woman, no matter how much money she has in the bank, can receive this service. All you need is the diligence to see your fundraising through to its completion.

This website was created in 2005 by two men who got the idea at a bachelor party in Las Vegas. The cocktail waitress at the club they were at mentioned that she was saving money for breast implants. By the end of the night, the bachelor party group had raised $750 for her cause.

The wheels began turning in the brains of Jay Moore and Jason Grunstra on that fateful night in Las Vegas. When they returned to California at the end of the weekend, they hatched the plan for MyFreeImplants.com. Co-founder Jay Moore has called his website a "boob bank." Earlier this year, Moore quit his day job and now runs the website full time. Both Moore and Grunstra expect to make six figures from the site this year.

For an aspiring woman, membership on the website is free, although it is highly recommended that you use a pseudonym and do not disclose information that is overly personal, such as home addresses, phone numbers, or email addresses. Furthermore, women are not supposed to meet their benefactors. This is a strict cash exchange between strangers with no chance of it developing into anything more.

Once you set up your account, you can post photos of yourself, write blog entries, share videos, or include any other material that may make you more desirable to potential benefactors. Of course, this is not a porn site, so ladies -- try to keep your posts clean. At the very least, keep them PG-13.

The men lurking on the site will have to shell out some cash to participate. At minimum, you must pay for "message credits" to be able to speak to the lovely ladies. These cost $1.20 per message, and $1 of this will go to pay for the woman's plastic surgery. For a $9.95 per month membership fee, you can become a full-fledged benefactor. Your membership will give you several free message credits and access to the profiles of every woman registered on the site.

Benefactors can give donations to their favorite women with no strings attached, or they can negotiate a trade for their cash. It is not uncommon for the men to request custom photos or videos in exchange for their money. It seems that for the men, this site fulfills a voyeuristic fantasy -- for a price.

Currently, there are approximately 2,000 men paying monthly fees to this website. Of course, once you pay the fee, you will most likely be spending considerably more money to help fund the breast surgery for the woman or women of your choice. While the average donation is $30, there are men who give a lot more. One man reportedly donated the entire cost of a woman's surgery.

There will be more to come about MyFreeImplants.com later this week. This is a three-part blog series. Part two should be posted tomorrow for your viewing pleasure.

In the meantime, if you live in the Chicago, Illinois area and are considering breast augmentation, please contact the Illinois plastic surgery office of Dr. Otto J. Placik to schedule your initial consultation.

Plastic surgery can make people do crazy things. It seems that some people will stop at nothing to have their dream bodies. When I say nothing, I am including murder. That's right, murder. It appears that for a Colorado Springs man, the murder of his mother was a sacrifice worth making to pay for his girlfriend's breast augmentation.

The details of this case are as sinister and gruesome as they are bizarre. You can almost see the Coen brothers making this into their next film. Think of it as somewhere in between the twisted psychosis of Fargo and the comedic ineptness of Raising Arizona. Fortunately, the attackers were incapable of getting the job done -- maybe we need to throw The Big Lebowski into the equation as well.

The botched murder plot, which has been called the "boob job murder" case, was hatched by 19-year-old Nikita Lee Weis, who hired two men to kill his mother. Weis wanted to murder his mother for money. However, he was not looking for a big payoff -- this brutal crime was to be committed over chump change.

Once his mother was out of the way, Weis planned to sell her car on the Internet so that he could pay for his girlfriend's rent and breast implants. It is uncertain if Weis expected any other financial windfalls from the murder of his mother. I would hope so, since he went to great lengths to risk the life of his mother as well as his own personal freedom to sell a used car. Depending on the car, it is likely that he would not have even received enough money for it to pay for the boob job.

On the day the deed was to be done, a man dressed in black entered Ms. Weis' house and hit her on the head with a miniature baseball bat. Had they brought a full-sized bat to do the job, they might have had better luck. As it turns out, the miniature baseball bat was not enough to render Ms. Weis unconscious. She quickly set off her car alarm, which scared the would-be murderer away.

Had this attempted murder been successful, the conspirators planned to wrap her body in plastic and bury it in the desert in either Arizona or New Mexico. I wonder if they would have used her car to transport the dead body before trying to sell it online. They would have brought new meaning to the term "new car smell."

Weis' girlfriend, 21-year-old Sophia Nicole Alsept, has just been sentenced to two years in prison for her role in the botched "boob job murder" plot. Currently, Weis and the other two conspirators have yet to be sentenced. I wonder if his mother will visit him in jail.

If you need to scrape together some extra cash to pay for your plastic surgery, there are many other ways to legitimately come up with the money. If you can't put the procedure on your credit card, you can ask your plastic surgeon about the financing options he offers. Or perhaps, you can just ask your mother to sell her car and give you the money. At least this way, you don't have to try and kill her for a measly few thousand dollars.

If you are interested in plastic surgery in the Denver, Colorado area, please contact the Broadway Center for Plastic Surgery today to schedule your initial consultation. Dr. Broadway will be happy to discuss creative financing options with you, but he will not help you kill your mother to pay for your breast implants.

Miss USA Pageant officials have recently confirmed that they paid for Carrie Prejean's breast augmentation. Prejean was the Miss California contestant in the most recent Miss USA Pageant.

Prejean ultimately finished runner-up in the competition. She caused considerable controversy at the pageant when she openly stated her opposition to gay marriage during the question-and-answer portion of the competition. Many pageant insiders believe that her statements regarding gay marriage most likely cost her the Miss USA crown.

However, should she have even been runner-up under the circumstances? If this is a beauty pageant, shouldn't the contestants be judged on their natural beauty and not a surgically enhanced body? Is it fair to the other contestants who are comfortable with their bodies and who compete without the aid of plastic surgery to award this woman second place?

It seems to me that this is somewhat analogous to the steroids controversy that has plagued Major League Baseball during the past decade. Many people have argued that baseball players who have taken these performance enhancing drugs are nothing more than cheaters. This has caused several players, most notably Mark McGuire, to be denied access into the Hall of Fame despite having the career statistics to justify induction.

If Barry Bonds is to be vilified for taking steroids, resulting in many people claiming that his career home run record is tainted, then shouldn't we hold all competitors to similar standards? While breast implants are not illegal substances, they certainly constitute performance enhancement when it comes to a beauty pageant. If Barry Bonds gets an asterisk next to his home run record, then so should any beauty queen who wins after undergoing plastic surgery. Otherwise, you are penalizing all contestants who do not take similar measures.

If you need breast augmentation, liposuction, or a tummy tuck to have a strong showing in a swimsuit competition, then you most likely do not deserve to win the pageant. By awarding someone like Carrie Prejean second place, pageant officials are sending the wrong message to future contestants. They are essentially saying, "If you want to win, go see your local plastic surgeon."

There is another question here which must be discussed. Is it ethical for the pageant to pay for her breast augmentation? Miss USA Pageant co-director Keith Lewis spoke about the pageant's decision to fund her surgery. He claimed pageant officials felt that they wanted to help her have the confidence she needed to best portray herself at the competition. After talking with her following her victory at the Miss California competition, it became obvious to them that this operation would help her achieve the confidence she needed to compete at her best.

Personally, I think that self-confidence is a serious component of a person's beauty. If a woman lacks that confidence within herself, it will most likely show through at the competition and hurt her chances of winning. But if she lacks that self-confidence, is she truly the most beautiful or deserving of the crown? Is it the place of the pageant to give her a shot of self-confidence when they did not help other contestants in a similar way?

In my opinion, this incident further taints a competition that to me is already suspect in nature. I am not a fan of beauty pageants, and I don't watch them. I don't think that they portray women in the way they deserve to be portrayed, and I think that in many ways, they perpetuate the beauty myths that fuel many of the self image issues that a lot of American women suffer from. The fact that pageant officials have made the unspoken statement that this is what is valued in a beauty pageant is abhorrent.

This is not meant to be a tirade on breast augmentation. There are many reasons why women choose to undergo the surgery, and for many of them, it does help their self-confidence. Getting breast implants is a highly personal decision which should not be made lightly. But it has no place in a beauty pageant, and the pageant officials should not authorize payment of a contestant's surgery. That only makes a mockery of the entire competition, and to be honest, these pageants can't afford to look any more superficial than they already are.

If you are interested in breast augmentation in the Los Angeles, California area, please contact Bray Plastic Surgery Medical Center, Inc. today to schedule a consultation with Dr. Bray.

On March 9, 2009, Mattel's Barbie fashion doll celebrated its 50th birthday. Since its introduction, the Barbie doll has become an icon of femininity. In particular, Barbie, as a fashion doll, helps to shape our notions about what makes a woman beautiful, a role for which she has suffered much criticism. Tall, slender, and sonsie, with long legs relative to her body, Barbie represents an ideal of attractiveness that many, ranging from feminists to health advocates to Islamic fundamentalists have critiqued as degrading, unhealthy, and decadent. In fact, as recently as this March, a West Virginia lawmaker proposed a ban on the sale of the doll in the state because it promotes the idea that "if you're beautiful, you're beautiful and you don't have to be smart." Mattel, of course, hopes to portray Barbie as a positive role model, whose 108 careers show that women can take on a variety of roles in life.

There is no doubt that Barbie is influential on little girls (and, to a lesser extent, little boys). In contrast to baby dolls, Barbie acts as an adult figure in a girl's life, and the kinds of play in which a girl engages with Barbie helps her conceptualize future possibilities for life. But, despite the criticism it receives, Barbie is a passive figure that reflects social trends, rather than creating them. When Barbie was first introduced in her black-and-white swimsuit in 1959, it was the year of Gidget, soon to be followed by Where the Boys Are (1960), and Blue Hawaii (1961). All big box-office successes. When public support rallied behind the Apollo space missions, Miss Astronaut Barbie was introduced in 1965. And with the wave of patriotic militarism inspired by Desert Shield and Storm, and growing acceptance of women in military roles, Barbies were released wearing uniforms of officers in all four major branches of military service. Spiking political interest (including acceptance for women in leadership roles) among children led to the introduction of Barbie for president in 1992 (and re-released in 2004), and a presidential Barbie was released in 2000. Barbie even became a NASCAR driver in 1998 at the height of NASCAR's nationwide popularity.

Is breast augmentation the most popular cosmetic surgery procedure because Barbie's breasts were 38-D when today's breast augmentation patients were children? No. Instead, Barbie's figure, like her careers, is a product of our collective consciousness about what a woman should be. And, although we can expect that Barbie will probably undergo many changes in the future (including the recent change that made her facial features more like the now-squashed rival Bratz), we can expect that many of her characteristics will remain true to the core characteristics of the feminine body: large breasts, narrow waist, wide hips, and long, slender legs.

We are all subject to the ideals of our society, and failing to meet them can lead to low self-esteem and a lower quality of life. If you find that your appearance affects your self-image, schedule a plastic surgery consultation with New York plastic surgeon Dr. George Lefkovits today to learn how we might be able to help.

Since the dawn of time, women have been doing everything possible to look their best on their wedding day. In the past, these efforts mainly consisted of manicures, pedicures, and elaborate makeup and hair styling that would complement their fancy white gown. However, the modern-day bride is taking wedding day makeovers to an entirely new level.

Cosmetic surgeons have reported a drastic increase in women opting for breast augmentation just before their wedding day. In Britain, breast implant surgery has witnessed a 75% increase since January, and 60% of these patients have come to receive a boost to their appearance for their wedding day. Apparently, having a pretty face in your wedding pictures is no longer enough. You now need to be popping out of your dress to be considered a beautiful bride.

Many wedding planners believe that the increase in breast augmentation for brides has occurred due to a change in the style of wedding dresses. Fewer women are opting for the traditional meringue-style dress, which buries the bride's body underneath a mass of ruffles and lace. Instead, modern brides are choosing to wear sleeker, form-fitting gowns which more effectively accentuate their body.

While 10 years ago, women desired to be "beautiful" brides, today they prefer to be "sexy" brides. In order to accomplish this goal, many brides-to-be have opted to up their bra size and boost their cleavage to ensure a most memorable wedding day.

So if you are planning on tying the knot in the near future, you had better schedule an appointment with your local cosmetic surgeon as well as your hair dresser. You don't want to miss out on the new trend in wedding fashion -- breast implants.

If you live in the Chicago, Illinois area and are interested in breast augmentation to help you achieve the perfect wedding day, please contact Associated Plastic Surgeons, S.C. today to schedule a consultation with Dr. Otto J. Placik.

Parents, lock your children in their rooms. Women, stay as far away from your plastic surgeon as you can. Be very, very afraid. A new short film is making its way through the film festival circuit this spring that may make your blood curdle and will certainly change the way you look at breast augmentation forever. It is called "BOOB" and it just may redefine modern notions of cosmetic surgery gone awry.

This short falls into the horror genre, and for good reason. It is about a cosmetic surgeon who performs an unusual breast augmentation procedure that will allow the woman to enlarge her breast whenever she wants. It sounds great in theory. When you go to the beach, you can blow up your breast implants to give you the perfect bikini body, and when you are playing sports, you can reduce them again for maximum comfort and performance. Experience modern technology at its finest.

However, the procedure goes awry when a surge of electricity brings the boob to life. The boob proceeds to wreak havoc on all in its path. Look out! Runaway boob on the warpath. Run for your life!

The directing team for the film, Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion (they call themselves "Honest"), has kept the actual film off of the Internet at the moment. The only information available is a brief synopsis and a 45 second movie trailer. Therefore, I can only speculate about the grim details that mark this soon-to-be plastic surgery horror masterpiece. But I will do my best to try.

The film seems like a cross between Frankenstein and Night of the Living Dead, although if it espoused the virtues of Evil Dead, it would most likely be a much better film. In fact, if they could have convinced Bruce Campbell to star in the short, I'm sure it would be well on its way to becoming a cult classic.

I can only imagine spending 5-15 minutes of my life watching a film based on a psychotic boob on the rampage after a rogue implant goes haywire. I'm not sure if it will be quality entertainment or a blight on humanity. However, if I ever have the opportunity to waste valuable minutes of my life on viewing this cinematic tour de force, you can rest assured I will stop at nothing until I have soaked up every moment of gore provided by this psychotic boob.

You can catch "BOOB" at the following film festivals this year: SXSW 2009, IFFBoston 2009, Gen Art 2009, Newport Beach FF 2009, and NYIIFVF 2009. If only they had shown "BOOB" at the Vail Film Festival last weekend, I would be writing a full-fledged review right now.

If you have seen "BOOB" and are not waking up in the middle of the night with breast augmentation nightmares, please contact Phoenix, Arizona breast surgeon Dr. Paul Angelchik today to schedule a consultation. His breast implants have never been known to come alive and ruin your world . . . yet.

We've all heard tragic tales of Americans who have fallen victim to identity theft, losing thousands of dollars from bank accounts and having massive credit card bills run up in their name. However, a Huntington Beach, California woman has recently taken identity theft to new levels.

Huntington Beach police are currently looking for Yvonne Pampellone, a 30-year-old woman who used a false identity to get breast augmentation and liposuction. Pampellone, if that is even her real name, opened up a line of credit in under someone else's name last September. She had more than $12,000 in cosmetic surgery procedures performed before skipping town, leaving her identity theft victim to foot the bill. She never even returned for her post-operative check-ups after her procedures.

If caught, Pampellone will face criminal charges of commercial burglary, grand theft, and identity theft. But if she was savvy enough to pull off a cosmetic surgery scam as lofty as this, she is most likely smart enough to realize that she should enjoy her new breast implants and tightly contoured body somewhere on a South American beach.

So what is the moral of this story? I suppose the first one would be to doctors: make sure your patients are who they say they are. Maybe check multiple forms of ID before admitting a patient for surgery.

But there might be another moral for patients, although I do not endorse this line of thinking or these actions. If you are unable to pay for your breast implants and liposuction, do not fear. If you are savvy enough and lack moral fiber, there may be alternative financing options available to you. You can always assume someone else's identity and leave them to foot the bill.

After all, it worked for Chevy Chase in Fletch. How many steak dinners and expensive bottles of champagne got thrown on the Underhill's tab in that movie? And in the end, he got the girl and a free trip to South America. Who knows, maybe he found himself lying on a beach somewhere in Brazil next to Yvonne Pampellone and her fabulous new breasts. Imagine the conversation they'd have.

If you have a valid ID and would like to find out more about breast augmentation or liposuction in the Los Angeles, California area, please contact the Bray Plastic Surgery Medical Center today to schedule a consultation. Dr. Bray does not accept identity theft perpetrators as patients, and he will not allow you to charge your procedure to the Underhills in Cabana #1.

The Amateur Boxing Association of England (ABAE) has banned Sarah Blewden from competition. Blewden, a 25-yer-old British model, has been banned due to her breast implants.

The ABAE claims that repeated blows to the breast area could pose serious health risks for a woman with breast implants. The risks associated with boxing are not limited to the chance that one of the implants may rupture. Constant trauma to the breasts can lead to a condition called fat necrosis, which closely resembles breast cancer on a mammogram.

Getting hit in the breasts can also create scar tissue near the implants, leading to a condition called capsular contraction. In capsular contraction, the implants get very hard. This complication has also been known to cause fat necrosis.

Blewden had breast augmentation performed in 2003 to enhance her modeling career. At the time, she was not interested in boxing. Blewden has protested her ban by the ABAE, claiming that she runs less risk of serious injury than skiers and horseback riders. Nevertheless, she is currently unable to participate in amateur boxing in Great Britain.

While there are many aesthetic advantages to breast augmentation, the procedure may have unexpected consequences such as limiting you from certain athletic activities. Before choosing to get breast implants, talk to your cosmetic surgeon to make sure that you will still be able to participate in all of your favorite activities. If your breast surgery will limit your regimen of physical activity, you may want to think seriously about how important the surgery is to you.

If you have weighed all of the pros and cons of breast augmentation and still feel that the procedure is for you, make sure that you go to a board certified plastic surgeon to ensure the greatest likelihood of successful results.

To learn more about breast augmentation in the Beverly Hills or Los Angeles, California area, please contact the Bray Plastic Surgery Medical Center today to schedule a consultation.

High school. Those words conjure up strong memories in all of us. For some, it was marked by roaring good times, wild parties, and a hectic social life. For others, it was a time of awkwardness, social isolation, and low self-confidence. Still others may remember the intense pressure -- to fit in with the right social clique, to earn good grades, to excel in athletics, or to be successful in the high school dating scene.

Regardless of your experience, you undoubtedly have a strong emotional reaction when thinking about your high school days. For all of us, it was a time of self discovery, a transitional period where we attempted to shed the person we were and create the person we wanted to become.

For many people, high school reunions are an opportunity to revisit those emotional moments of adolescence and take stock of who we have become. Some people attend to reconnect and catch up with old friends. Others come to show off the person they have become -- somewhat of a self-validation for their years of tortured adolescence. Regardless, high school reunions provide us with a way to revisit our past and take stock of our present in one fell swoop.

There is a sizeable group of people who feel intense pressure to impress their former high school peers at these reunions. Despite going years without seeing or thinking about their high school friends and acquaintances, many people view these reunions as some of the most stressful and important social events they will ever attend. In her book "A Room Full of Mirrors," Keiko Ikeda examines this phenomenon in great depth.

In order to make the strongest impression possible at their high school reunion, many people turn to their local cosmetic surgeon for a little assistance. Cosmetic surgery practices across the country have documented large boosts in business from people looking for breast augmentation, tummy tucks, liposuction, and face lifts to help them look their best at their high school reunion.

I'm not quite sure why so many people feel the need to impress a group of individuals who have been essentially irrelevant in their lives for anywhere from 10 to 20 years. For one night, these people come together again, only to go their separate ways until the next reunion rolls around in another 10 years. And most likely, you will not think about these people again until you go to your cosmetic surgeon for a touch-up procedure before your next reunion.

Surely there are more important people to impress -- your family, your current friends that are actually involved in your daily life, your co-workers, other members of your community. However, when memories of high school come flooding back, many people seem to seek validation for what may have been the most awkward time of their lives.

In a sense, cosmetic surgeons across the country are providing these people with an invaluable service by enabling them to feel better about themselves in front of a group of people who could really care less. However, the more appropriate person to help us through this undeniably trying moment of our adulthood is probably a psychologist.

If you live in the Denver, Colorado area and need a quick fix to look your best for your upcoming high school reunion, please contact the Broadway Center for Plastic Surgery today to schedule a consultation with Dr. David Broadway.

A 24-year-old woman in China was recently scorned by her lover for undergoing cosmetic surgery. As a result of her facial procedures, the woman no longer resembled her mother. When her boyfriend saw a picture of her parents, he became appalled by this fact, causing him to break up with her on the spot.

The woman, who most likely opted for facial cosmetic surgery to feel better about herself, was devastated by the events that unfolded with her boyfriend. Her already fragile psyche began unraveling, sending her into a downward spiral of desperation and despair.

Fearing future rejection by other men who may not approve of her cosmetic surgery makeover, the woman took drastic action. She forced her 60-year-old mother to undergo several cosmetic surgery procedures so that they would look like they were actually related.

It is quite common for women to turn to a cosmetic surgeon in an attempt to look more like their favorite celebrities. Many women opt for BOTOX in order to have Angelina Jolie's lips, breast augmentation to achieve Scarlet Johansson's perfect cleavage, or a rhinoplasty to get Jessica Alba's nose.

However, it is unheard of for a woman to be forced to undergo plastic surgery to look like someone who has already had their appearance cosmetically altered. Can you imagine someone going to a doctor and saying, "I want Michael Jackson's pasty, artificial-looking, overdone face." Preposterous!

But in the town of Wuhan, China, a similarly absurd request was made of local cosmetic surgeons. By opting for cosmetic surgery that altered the features provided by her genetic code, this woman waived her right to desire a familial resemblance with her mother. If she wanted to look like her mother, she should have kept the hand dealt to her at birth. To force her mother to undergo serious elective surgery that she did not want is unconscionable.

It appears that her mother was satisfied with her natural appearance, because she put up a fight with her daughter over this extreme request. After considerable bullying on the part of her daughter, the mother was forced to take drastic action of her own. She had her daughter committed to a psychiatric ward for mental health treatment. Hopefully, the proper regimen of therapy and medication will help her daughter cope with the trauma of being rejected over her plastic surgery.

Ideal candidates for cosmetic surgery desire their procedure to feel better about themselves. They are not bullied into altering their appearance for the gratification of others. If you live in the New York City area and are interested in cosmetic surgery, please contact Park Plaza Plastic Surgery today to schedule an appointment with Dr. George Lefkovits.

Just when you thought Reality TV couldn't sink any lower, the FX channel sets a new bar for trashy programming. This month, the network has premiered a new reality show throughout Great Britain called "Pimp Up My Wife."

The show will take 10 wives whose husbands are unhappy with their appearance and give them a complete aesthetic makeover. These women will undergo hair and style makeovers and receive numerous cosmetic surgery procedures including tummy tucks, breast augmentation, liposuction, and facial procedures. The network is promoting their new show as a way for 10 couples to improve their sex lives and potentially save a failing marriage.

One husband on the show has openly admitted that for over two years, he has been embarrassed to be seen in public with his wife. He is hoping that the show will "stop the rot and bring back the woman I fell in love with."

If you believe that "Pimp Up My Wife" will rekindle the flames of your marriage and bring back passion that has been long dead, think again. How can a man who publicly discusses his loathing of his wife's appearance expect to keep her around once she finds that everywhere she goes, men are finding her more attractive than ever? My guess is that at least 50% of the couples on this show will be divorced within a year, and it will be the wife that leaves the husband.

Cosmetic surgery can be an excellent way for a woman to boost her self-esteem and enhance a region of her body that she is unhappy with. However, the decision to get cosmetic surgery should stem from the woman's desire to feel better about herself, not because her husband is repulsed by her. If this is your situation, you are most likely married to the wrong man.

If you live in the Northern Virginia or Washington, D.C. area and have realistic expectations for the results of your cosmetic surgery, please contact the Virginia Center for Plastic Surgery today to schedule a consultation with Dr. Desman.

After her 8^th breast augmentation, Sheyla Hershey already held the world record for largest breast implants (34FFF). But that apparently wasn't enough for the 28-year-old Texan.

In attempt to ensure that her record would be safe for the ages, she has undergone a 9^th breast enlargement. I think she can be confident that no one will ever come close to surpassing her new record breast size -- 38KKK.

Amazingly, even cosmetic surgeons in the state of Texas wouldn't touch this job. After searching in vain for an American doctor to perform her record-setting surgery, Hershey hopped on a plane for Brazil. It appears that the surgeons down there have no qualms with pumping a gallon of silicone into this woman's already overly-enhanced chest.

That's right. Sheyla Hershey is walking around with a gallon of silicone in her chest. Hopefully her implants never rupture. If they do, she may need the clean-up crew from the Exxon-Valdez accident to get rid of the mess.

The majority of women who opt for breast augmentation strive for a natural-looking result that helps them feel better about their appearance. Not Sheyla. To her, bigger is better. You might call her the Michael Jackson of breast implants.

Hershey claims she was just following her dream. Who can really fault her for that? Unfortunately, her dream may leave her saddled with serious back problems in the future. And I doubt that there are many lingerie stores that will carry her size. She may need to settle for garbage bags and rubber bands for that much-needed support.

Her boyfriend, who supported her on previous procedures, pleaded with her to call it quits at 34FFF. When forced to choose between her boyfriend whom she dearly loved and 38KKK, something had to give. And let's be honest, who really needs love when you have the world's largest breasts? Surely those 38KKKs will garner plenty of attention from the singles scene in Texas. I'm sure she'll be off the market in no time. Just don't try and get between her and operation # 10.

But seriously, breast augmentation is a procedure that should not be taken lightly. As with any major surgery, there are risks and complications even when performed under ideal conditions by the most capable cosmetic surgeon. Opting for freakishly large implants further increases these risks to the point where they are truly a health hazard.

If you live in the Dallas, Texas area and are interested in a more realistic breast augmentation that will help enhance your figure instead of making you look like a Betty Boop caricature, please contact Dr. Vasdev Rai today to schedule a consultation.